After more than two years of my retired life, I have come across this guilt feeling a number of times. The reason is that I quit the job when I had still ten months to go. This made me ineligible for the medical benefits at a nominal cost.

Today, my feeling is very intense and I am completely overwhelmed by it. I was trying recapitulate why I acted like stupid fool that time. The result of my hurried decision to quit is leaving a lifelong scar on my psyche. In retrospect, I wonder why I took such an irrational and egoistic decision. Here is a true story for you to read.

The background:

I was almost stuck up in my career for a very long time, to be specific for 18 long years, with no hope for elevation. During the process, even going to job each day was an uphill task. I had to put a false appearance of a normal employee, with deep frustration and utter disinterest in work.

Before that, I eagerly waited for a scheme for voluntary retirement. After a long wait the employer announced a Voluntary retirement scheme which I was eagerly waiting. I was utterly disappointed that I am ineligible to apply for the scheme. The disappointment was so severe that I had physical heart pain and had to go for ECG. To vent my anger, I joined a group of employees who were denied this scheme.

Then I got an outside job offer and served 3 months notice. But, last minute a false hope of VRS coming again made me withdrew my notice. Then I was having just 2, 3 years to go for normal retirement. My second daughter was diagnosed as having major affliction. This has crippled my confidence. To overcome the frustration, I asked for a change of duties. Normally just requests are ignored, but in my case unfortunately, they considered transferring me to another place. I personally welcomed the change, but had to concede family request. My deep frustration and mental agony was showing up in our day to day life.

Over and above that my *&%$^@ boss was refusing to even sanction me casual leave. He has threatened me that he will take action if I go on leave. This had unnerved me a little. So far, I had no adverse remarks in my career. It was a mental torture of third degree used by my boss. I was feeling terribly miserable after getting up by the thought of going to office.

This feeling was lingering for months on. The thought of taking retirement prematurely was etched in my mind. I was telling family and friends who used
casually remark to drag on for a few more months. This suggestion was obvious but I am no mood to heed the advice. The dilemma grew into a crisis. I am no longer a normal person. My response to advises had become curt and egoistic, and people stopped giving advises.

I gathered enough courage to see the boss and tell him about my plan for premature retirement. The sadist boss must have felt happy that I walked into his trap. I immediately gave notice to office about my quitting after 3 months. He was pretending to be generous that he would relieve me after notice without substitute. First, I was expecting that he will not agree to my request and do some counseling.

I had an option to withdraw during notice period, but I had grown stubborn and would not yield to any advice. Then I retired in the middle of a month after expiry of 3 months notice.

This had made me poorer by Rupees 5 laks on account of medical assistance.
I am still trying my best to get out of the regret. Any Way, friends, please suggest!


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